Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
