I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
