Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
