I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
