If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
