also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
