you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize