I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
