You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
You really coming over, don't trick.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
