Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize