Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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