Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
