Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
