Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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