I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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