He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
