I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
