She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
