I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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