Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
