Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
