Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
