it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
