Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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