3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
