I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
