I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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