Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
