I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
