Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
