so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
