Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize