took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
