I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
