And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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