This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
