I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I can't put those talents on a resume
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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