Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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