dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
only if we run a train.
done.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
