your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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