I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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