I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
