she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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