I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
