Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I am mentally ready for anal.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize