so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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