Got a toothbrush?
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
