Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
