I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
be right there i have to get my cape
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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