You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
