hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
