You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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