Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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