I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
