I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
