I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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