Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
