2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
