i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Did I show you my penis last night?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
